Parenting Abused Children

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It has only been during the last decade or so that the range of emotional trauma, behavioral problems and the long term effects of perpetrating abuse on children have become known. Statistics indicate that one out of every five boys and one out of every three girls have been exposed to abuse prior to reaching their 18th birthday. As upsetting as these figures are the numbers are much worse when it comes to children who require special needs parenting. Approximately 85 to 95% of those children were subjected to abuse before going to the adopted or foster home.

When an American visits a foreign country and does not speak the language, they are obviously at a disadvantage. The same holds true with adoptive or foster families when exploited children come to them. These kids have a learned language or attitude that is very different from that of a non-abused child. This requires the adoptive or foster parents to learn the many different ways of interpreting behavior that is unique to that particular child’s experiences.

In order to understand this “language”, the adult must first recognize the fact that abuse is a very traumatic life event that affects mental health; one that can over-power the ability to cope, much less problem solve. Proper parenting requires the new parent to understand that an event of this magnitude usually means that every way that a child had of protecting him or herself has become useless.

For those children who are in a foster home or have been adopted it can be even more difficult for them to adapt. This is because on top of the already traumatic abuse that was on them, they now have to deal with a feeling of parental loss and abandonment.

Parenting an abused child, whether it was sexual, physical or emotional, is difficult at best and challenging at the very least. Often the new caregiver’s desires and the child’s distorted views will clash, yet with an innate desire to nurture and the child’s desire to heal, it will often result in a positive experience for both. And the first step towards healing is learning the “language” of abuse.

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Source by Melissa Spaulding