Parenting Your Children Positively: How To Stop Being Your Child’s Personal Servant

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“My kids are just lazy.”

“Why is it so hard for my daughter to keep her room clean?”

“It’s easier to avoid a fight and just do my children’s chores for them.”

“If I let my kids clean, I’ll just have to go back and redo things anyway…”

Have you ever had thoughts like these? I’m sure every parent has. So, what to do?

How can you get your children to help out around the house – and maybe even enjoy it?

Last Friday, a parent in my daughter’s first grade class asked me the following question:

“I’m thinking of giving my son some responsibility

or ‘chores’ to teach him responsibility for himself and others and property. Do

you have any ideas on what would be appropriate for a 6 year old?…..”

Ahhh…creating a responsible child. YES, I think giving children responsibility

at an early age is fantastic! If you haven’t started giving your children

responsibility, start NOW!!

Children love to have structure in their lives, they may not always act like they

do, but studies have shown that structure and responsibility are actually two

things that children crave in their daily lives. You can start as early as 18

months of age with responsibility. Now I know that many of you are thinking,

Tammi is crazy, how can an 18 month old learn responsibility? An example of this

is when your child is done playing with something ask them to help you pick it

up. If there are blocks laying on the floor, say, ‘Can you help mommy put one

block in the box?’ Show them what you mean and have them follow your example.

Once your child has done this once, make a big deal out of it. Praise them, clap

for them, give them a high five or a hug. Have fun with the fact that your child

just listened to you and helped you pick up a toy. You not only can use this time

as a time for when you are teaching responsibility, but a general time for

teaching. For example, ‘Can you pick up a toy that has red on it and put it in

your basket?’ Not only are they cleaning up, but they are working on color,

number, shape recognition as well. Make a game out of learning and your child

will pick up not only their toys, but essential academics as well.

For children that are older, play the ‘I Spy’ game with them. If their room is a

mess, go up there with them and say ‘I spy something green’. When they pick up

the green item, say yes and have them put it away. Then have your child spy

something for you to pick out and pick up. Simple game you can play with your

child and you get the room cleaned up all at the same time. The key to having a

responsible child is having expectations for them. Are they always going to do

what is asked of them? No, but always including them in family duties, not only

teaches them responsibility, but really makes them feel like they are a part of

the family and that they are important to you. The bonus here is that you get to

spend more time with your child in a positive way.

Here is a list of possible ideas fro you to have your children help you with:

4 year olds and younger:

* Putting toys away (even if at first it is only a few)

* helping you put silverware away. Give them the spoons to put in the drawer. (

of course most will not end up in the right place at first, but that is ok)

* Have them help you with dinner (putting dry ingredients into a recipe)

* Have them put away kitchen wash towels or rags in the drawer that they can reach

* Have them put non breakable items (Fruit ) into the refrigerator after grocery

shopping.

* Have them get diapers or wipes that you may need for changing a younger sibling

* Have them push in the chairs after dinner

* Give them a broom and ask them to sweep ( Again they won’t be good at it, but

praise them, they are trying and that is what is most important)

5 years old and up:

* Increase the frequency in which they are responsible for things

* Put their dirty dishes on the counter or rinse them off in the sink

* Set the table (Have all the plates, utensils, cups, etc. out for them and have

them set the table)

*Have them sweep after dinner

*Empty part or all of the dishwasher or put clean dishes away after they are

washed

* Feed a pet water or food

* Clean up their dirty laundry and make sure that it is put in the proper place

* Have them make their own bed (It may not look like what you want it to, but fix

it later after they have left the room)

* Have them put away their backpack and coat after school

* Have them get their clothes out for school the next day

* Give them a Clorox wipe and have them wipe down the bathroom counters

* Give them a rag with dusting product on it and have them dust all the furniture

at their level

The list is endless, be creative and mix it up from time to time.

I have found with my own kids that they more I involve them in my daily

activities, the more they are willing to help me out and not put up a fight. The

other night we were talking to our older two daughters (11 ½ and 10) and said

once a week, we wanted them to help clean up the kitchen after dinner. Well our

youngest daughter (7 yr. old) and she too wanted in on the action. While her

oldest sister bailed out on them, she helped our 10 year old clean up the entire

kitchen. They even put the extra food in the fridge with saran wrap on it. We

told both girls how proud we were of them and how special they just made us feel

to do something so nice for us. They were beaming from ear to ear. Later that

night, my husband was going to wipe up the bathroom floor and our youngest cam in

and said she wanted to do it, so there she was on her hands and knees scrubbing

up that bathroom floor. She did a great job and we were so proud of her, there

was lots of praise and hugs and kisses. Now would I expect this of her weekly or

daily? No, but I was so proud of her and more importantly, she was proud of

herself.

I know that kids need expectations put on them. Will they always welcome this?

No, but they actually do expect this from their parents. Today too many parents

want to be friends with their children and to make their lives as easy as

possible. Unfortunately this is not the real world that they will one day live

in. Have expectations for your children and help make them responsible people.

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Source by Tamara Kauppinen